A year ago I was happy.

I don't know what to think right now.

I should probably be thinking of things that I need to accomplish in the next little while.
Like writing Part B of my english diploma, and my math diploma.
Or getting a hair cut. My hair has gotten far too long and unmanageable.

Instead, I keep thinking about how I am wasting my time, trying to accomplish an impossible feat.

Trying to turn a bunch of non committed no effort downright B players into A players. Impossible.

Trying to turn a bunch of 14/15 years olds who really only think about boys and what not into passionate sports players.
Also impossible.

Everywhere I turn it's like I'm wasting my time.

Spending time with my own team, giving all that I am to obtain the same result that I always do: disappointment.
Possibly further injuring myself because I'm dedicated and I wanted us to win. Those games should have been wins, hands down. But because we suck, of course they weren't. It wasn't worth it. A fucking injured player shouldn't be playing better than most of the team. She shouldn't be getting player of the game. Does that tell you anything about how much you suck?

Spending time with my juniors, giving most of my free time in order to help them be successful, to obtain the same results: annoyance.
They are rather ungrateful. They have an amazing coach, who doesn't even have a daughter on the team, but dedicates his time to the team because they are from his hometown, and he wants to help. They have awesome assistant coaches, who live in Calgary and make the drive almost every other day out to Airdrie to help out with this team, because they are passionate about the sport, and because they can't play, this is the other option. Then they have four trainers, who aren't much older than them, who have teams of their own, as well as jobs, high school, university, etc, who ALSO make the drive all the way out to Airdrie almost every other day.
Yet they can't even give one hour of dedication and concentration to us.


That crushed feeling where everything is wrong and there is nothing I can do to make it better permanently lives in me.