Sometimes, I wish there was someone to talk to that could understand.

I love you terribly, deeply, dearly.
And that's not enough.
And I'm not enough. I can't be enough. I was never enough.
Is forever enough?


These words unspoken.

Dream catcher.

I am answering two questions in one blog. Alright? Alright.
First,
"What do you like most about yourself?"

Very very subjective to what day it is and what sort of mood I am in.
If I am in a decent mood, chances are I am feeling pretty good about myself.

I like my hair at times. How it is naturally straight, and extremely shiny. How I get compliments a lot on it. I like my eyes. I like my back. If I had to chose a favourite body part, it would be my back. I don't know, I just appreciate it.I like my confidence, though that changes from time to time, as sometimes I see my confidence as just being conceited/cocky.I like that I am an athlete. I like that I am dedicated, though that sometimes causes some multiple problems for others. I like how intense I am. I like how I appreciate life. I like how people can touch my soul by simple acts of kindness. I like how sometimes I can make people laugh their asses off. I like how thoughtful I can be. I like how I can love. I like how sometimes I can be brave and do things that terrify me.

Wooooah wooah woah. Did anyone else notice that people either get one of two opinions of me?
Opinion 1) I'm this scornful intense person who doesn't portray emotions very well, etc.
Opinion 2) I'm this cute adorable caring person.
Maybe I am just a different person in different situations.
Wait, I definitely knew that already.

Anyways, moving on.
Question two,
"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Alone.
Bahahaha, not actually. I could see it though. I mean, at the moment, I do not think anyone could actually deal with me. But that could change.I don't really know a whole lot about my future.
Only that I will still be in Calgary. I absolutely adore this city, and have no desire at all to move. I see myself being a more mature person, able to face the world.

I am extremely mauvaise at answering these questions.
Franglais ftw.

I stopped expecting the unexpected. And guess what? The unexpected happened.
I apologize in advance to those who spend much time around me.
I've already noticed the changes that have occurred inside of me, and they are not very fun to have to deal with.
Maybe it is not a great idea that I am being put in charge of people at the Stampede this year. People who are going to be coming to me for guidance.
God help them.

On another note,
my parents are trying to re-teach me how to be polite.
And this fascinates me to some extent.

Typical. I'm sitting there, appreciating the thunderstorm,
when I realize there's just as much thunder inside as there is outside.
And my world crashes.

People tell me that the way I describe things makes me sound like I am in love.
I am not in love, I just know what love is.

Yesterday, I found out that my parents are becoming more and more like old people every day.
You know, those old people who refuse to accept change, no matter how logical it may be.
This change pertains to me growing up. Me being 17 and almost an adult.
But, so long as I am 17 and not quite an adult, my parents decide to exercise their last bit of power of me. Which is very unnecessary.
For example. My father sitting on the couch downstairs watching tv, and me upstairs doing my homework. In this case, he yells at me to get downstairs to feed our dog, which he could have done perfectly well on his own. I mean, the cupboard with the dog food is only ten steps away from the couch.
Sheer laziness.

Last night, I was lounging on my parents bed watching my sister play on the xbox.
My father comes in, and first stands there with his hands on his hips and looks around for about 3 minutes, as if he was looking for something to get mad at us for.
Then, as I get up to leave the room (RUHM), he stops me.
Father : "Are these the clothes that you wore to the mall today?"
Me : "Yes."
Father : "I don't want you laying on my bed with clothes that you have worn all day. Because quite frankly, that is disgusting."

WHAT THE FUCK?!
How is wearing clothes all day disgusting?
I am not 5, I am 17, therefore, I CAN resist the urges to roll on the ground at the mall.
Sweet jesus.

This ain't goodbye,
this is just where love goes
when words aren't warm enough
to keep away the cold.

Getting up is exhausting.
Taking time to do my hair to only have it ruined by the wet snow is exhausting.
Making the long journey to school is exhausting.
Having a little green stain on my AB sweater is exhausting.
My facebook freezing every time someone tries to chat with me is exhausting.
Just finding out that Randy (ex head usher) and Kaleigh (ex co-worker usher) are dating is exhausting.
Having the depression of WW2 blasted at me over and over is exhausting.
Being angry because a certain someone thinks that celebrating Voldemort's defeat is stupid, is exhausting.
Missing how life was is exhausting.
On that note, love is exhausting.
Living in Alberta and being proud every moment of it is exhausting.
Willing myself to work out every night is exhausting.
Going out places is exhausting.
Dreaming is exhausting.
I am exhausted.