#1, 2, 3

I don't feel good. But I'm not getting sick or anything.
It's more like my stomach is twisted into knots. Because of a lot of things.
Which are not just school, surprisingly. I have come to accept the fact that it is coming back, along with all the stresses, and there is nothing that I can do about it.
So bring it, school.

I suppose it start on Christmas Day. I appreciate everything I got. I didn't get anything to expensive, either. Which, actually, I am happy about. I didn't ask for anything expensive, so why get me something if you are not sure I am going to use it, and waste your money if I don't?
Even so, I felt as if I was missing something. Perhaps it's my grandfather, seeing as it was the first Christmas without him. But he was never around for Christmas, so surely it couldn't affect me that much, could it? Well, that and Grandma not really caring to talk to us, rushing off of the phone everytime we call.

Since that day, I have thought of small things each day that would get me through. For example, going shopping with my family on Monday. Ringette practise on Tuesday. Shopping on Wednesday. Party on Thursday/Friday. Ringette game/practise on Saturday.

I still feel empty though. I wonder if it's the distance between me and my friends.
Friend #1 : Affects me too much, what mood she is in. I don't think it's fair of her to keep getting frustrated and freaking out for a few moments, then being fine a little later and expecting us to be as well. I wish she would stop being so stubborn, sometimes.
Friend #2 : I miss the old her. The one that didn't party and what not. Her attitude towards more than just drinking and drugs has changed. I hate it. I know she's right in saying that me and friend #1 need to stop arguing, but it was harsh for her to get so mad over feelings that I can't help feeling.
Friend #3 : Laughs at things that I say, but as soon as the others say it isn't that funny, she agree's with them.

On New Years, they kept saying mean things about me, jokingly. But as soon as I started saying things back, it was of course I who was being the jerk.
I am going to stop talking about Stee around them. They know I love them, but they don't realize why I talk about them so much. They don't realize, no matter how many times I tell them, that I don't have anything else to talk about.
Also, I am going to stop caring about myself around them. Because apparently I do that too much.
And I'm going to have to deal with the jerkiness and frustration that comes out of Friend #1 when we all hang out. Because that's just the way she is, and it's not fair to ask her to change.

I need some chocolate.