Where are my good days?

"I need to just admit that the passion's gone"

I never thought I would see the day where I would say that I didn't want to go to ringette. I'm tired of dealing with this.
I knew this was going to happen. I didn't think it would be this bad though.

I miss you.
"You told me, look for you and I will find. So I'm here, like I'm searching for the first time"

What do I do? I've done the best I can.

It's frustrating. I hate being a second year. I hate it because people look to you. I love being captain, but at the same time, I despise it. Because people see the letter on your jersey, and they expect you to be good. They expect you to shine, to lead the team. When you make mistakes, you feel like you have let everyone down, even though they are making more mistakes then you are. I like being a first year and playing with people who are better than you, so you can learn from them, improve, and you don't feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

"Do you feel the weight of the world singing sorrows?"

I do.

And at the same time, I hate playing good. Because I know that I did the best that I could, and there is nothing more I can possibly do. And it's not helping. I hate feeling so helpless. Like all my hard work is for nothing.

I don't understand why this isn't working. The ability is there. The will to win is not. How do you learn to have that? How do you learn mental toughness?

And I can't stop. I can't stop thinking of how things were. How perfect things were.
I miss you and it is breaking my heart. Slowly, painfully.

I've lost my passion.

I miss you.
"Believe in yourself. Believe in your team. Never give up, never give in"
Biy, biyt, ngu, ngi.


Where have my good days gone?