A.

I have come to realize that people think I made A because of my mother.
I've taken this from all of the very hostile looks that I receive from the B team players.
Mostly the team that has dryland right before my team. Aka, the one without my best friends on it.
People that I am kinda friends with, have been on the same team in past years, people who I could usually still say hello to and get a smile, now look at me with scorn.
It's devastating.
If I didn't know better, I too, would question whether or not I made A because of my mom.
But I do know better. I shouldn't, but I do.
I know that I was a bubble player. I know that the bubble skate, the evaluaters picked the top two players who would automatically make it to A, and then the coaches chose 3 other players each. The top two players who automatically made A would be split between the teams. The coaches would flip a coin to see who picked out of them first.
I rated #2 out of the bubble skate. I automatically made it to A. The coaches flipped a coin. Jim got first pick, and he picked me.
Still not convinced?
At the balancing, Bob asked the evaluaters if I could be traded. I couldn't.
So, to clear it all up, I made A. By myself. And both of the coaches wanted me.
Okay?

A life update.

I'm extremely glad that the holidays are soon, I'm running low on energy.
School has become extremely boring and pointless. Every day I sit there in class, more or less counting down the minutes until the end of the day.
Sometimes, I really hate sitting there during my spare all by myself and feeling awkward when people walk by. I'll probably miss it when it's over, anyways.
I appreciate AW's presence sometimes, but mostly because it makes me look like I'm not a loner.
I am going to get my drivers licence and a car asap. I am tired of making the trip to and from school.
At least my grades are good.

Ringette never fails to make me quite emotional. Lately, it's taken a turn for the worst. Or has it? It's gone from winning/the team only being semi-friendly, to losing/the team being quite friendly. Though I appreciate the inside jokes that I am now included in and such, I would like to start winning again.
I need to pick it up in my effort on the ice. I am definitely still not playing to my full potential. Probably because I'm still scared shitless. Unfortunately, that's only gotten worse because of my ankle injury. Which, to be quite honest, is much better. But the mistakes on the ice and me falling so much seem to make me tell others that it's my ankle giving out on me. I'm just embarrassed, that's all.

I don't know what to think about friends. I'm beginning to feel more left out at school, yet less left out. I mean, sure, I only have to endure 30 minutes at lunch of being surrounded by couples. It isn't that bad, except when they are all facing into each other and cuddling or something, which is more often than not. This causes the grade 10's that sit across from us to stare and probably laugh at the fact that I am alone. I hate grade 10s.
Yet, Rachel is such a kind soul that she never fails to make me feel better, and to make me feel included. I should remember to appreciate her more often.

As for my other friends, I don't know about them, either. I love them terribly, yet they barely want to make an effort to see me. I understand the one, as she is busy quite often with other things, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Especially when she said she'd be sure to make time for me. We haven't gotten together for the past two weeks. I do understand though. It just kind of adds on top of the rest of my life, especially my other best friends not coming to see me play ringette because "i'm busy/my parents won't drive me/i don't want to". So much for the promise they'd make an effort. Why do I bother make an effort when barely any of them do? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I want to feel like I fit in somewhere, when I don't fit in anywhere else.

And as for you, you don't even know how much I love you. I HATE that you said we'd talk more, and we don't. I hate that you are abusing what my family worked so hard to give you, and this abuse is affecting my best friends. I don't know what has happened to you, but you are definitely not the person that I once knew.

My parents are driving me insane. My mom is losing her memory and forgets when we had plans, then gets mad at me when I'm upset because she didn't remember when the time came.
Then my dad makes me do every single thing for him, even those things that my mother asked him to do. Also, I hate how I can't have any of his Tostito chips, yet he can help himself to my dill pickle ones.

Yesterday, I was at Petland, and there were the cutest baby bunnies. Which makes me wish that I had a bunny, someone to be my friend when all my other friends seem to fail me.
Or rather, I just wish I had someone.