I do not care that everyone has moved to tumblr. I do not want to. I do not want to become addicted to this computer.

I feel like writing about myself. Things that some people may know but not understand. I've had too much time to think lately, I guess that's what ten hour car rides does to you.

I'm quiet. I'm quiet because I'm shy, but mostly because I don't feel the need to fill the silences. Silence doesn't make me feel awkward, forced conversation does. I think this is why my sister and I are so good for each other. Whereas she never stops talking, when we are with people I am allowed to just sit there and listen. And think about what is being said.

I love tim hortons. I always get an ice cap, unless it's freezing outside, in which case I get a hot smoothie. I do not like their coffee or their hot chocolate. I pronounce hortons with emphasis on the t. Or I just call it tims. I don't love tims so much as I love it when I am with the ringette girls. It feels almost wrong being there without them, because it's our place to hang out and talk about everything and anything. Tims is one of those places where we can show up after ringette, smelly, wearing sweat pants with our hair up, and people won't give a shit.

I'm extremely self conscious, especially as of lately. I would like to lose weight. I'm glad that's something I can change, because I also want to be taller, but I can't change that. When I stand by myself in public, I fret that people are looking at me, that somethings out of place; a tag sticking out, my hair out of place, my fly undone. I HATE it when my skin breaks out, I think it is the most unattractive thing for me. I wish my eyes were as dark as my sister's.

There was one thing that I was confident about myself with, and that was ringette. And somehow, over the summer, even that is gone. I'm terrified I won't make the university team. I'm worried I'm not good enough.

I don't like children. I don't like how much the world has changed, how people don't raise their children well in fear of "child abuse". In which case, children run wild. They have no sense of personal space, of boundaries, of when they are wanted. They feel as though they are superior to everyone else, as if the world revolves around them. They cry, they scream, they whine, they are brats. I have had too many dreams about me being pregnant lately, and it is rather disturbing.

I'm a nervous passenger. About half a year ago I saw a car accident happen right in front of our car, and although it wasn't serious, ever since then I have been a wreck. If I freak out while you are driving... sorry.

I despise when people say they hate cops. Okay, yes I'm biased because my father was a cop. BUT if you don't break the law, the cops won't be a problem. If we didn't have cops the world would be chaos.

And not gonna lie, as of lately, I have also had too many experiences with guys flirting with me, and I do not wish to be a part of any of it. My best friend's cousin, my other best friend's ex... too much. No, I do not want to be your one night stand. Thanks though.

I hate it when people change their profile picture too often, although I think I don't change mine enough.

I really want to make a scrapbook of me with all my friends.. But it's so much effort.

Most girls have a shoe thing... I definitely have a coat thing. I love coats.

I would like a seahorse for a pet.

I kinda hate how I've turned my blog into something that I only write on when I am experiencing negative feelings. And I'm usually only blogging about one negative feeling, or rather situation.

So first I am going to blog about how I went camping this weekend in Banff and it was lovely. It was lovely how we had planned to go sit on a patio and have draaanks but I forgot my id in Calgary. Luckily we were able to find a patio where the waiters did not care enough to id me, so I still got to have my margarita and long island iced tea ( I have found that at the moment this is my drink of preference). Then on Sunday night I drove the jag all the way back to Calgary from Banff, and this was quite the adventure. Which followed by attending an 18th birthday party where I was surrounded by guys that I did not know. And just guys. Perfect.

I'm really disliking work too. My boss is making me take two seven hour shifts every week rather than three five hour shifts which rather annoys me. Standing in the intensely hot dry cleaners with not a lot to do for five hours is one thing. Doing this with two extra hours is not fun at all. Mostly I'm annoyed because I get there, work for about two hours, then work on and off for the next two hours, which is followed by me sitting in the back with nothing to do except feel bad that I'm not doing anything. Whatever, at least I'm making money I guess.

I'm also rather annoyed because I have no idea what the situation is with ringette anymore, and I may not even have a chance of playing for the U of C team as according to the coach, the team is pretty much set. Which sucks for me because I let myself assume I would be on this team, and I can't see myself doing anything else. So I'm not sure what to do at this point.

On top of that, if I do stand a chance, I really need to get in shape. Which sucks because up until about yesterday, I was relying on the personal trainer that a few friends and I were debating getting to help us get back in shape. Apparently this plan did not go over well with the collective and it is now out the window, leaving me to get back into shape by myself. Quite a feat, and I'm not sure how I can accomplish this. I can't even bring myself to have my protein drink everyday, let alone work out.

I got my final acceptance to university though, which was followed by my diploma marks. I didn't do as well as I had hoped, which amuses me because if I had gotten these marks as my finals last year, I would have been thrilled. So I have deemed them acceptable. It really doesn't matter to me as much now, as I am in university anyways.

Even so, university scares me. I attended the university orientation with one of my ringette friends, which was comical because she is two years older than I am and has been attending uni for two years now, though at mount royal. Anyways, it's just odd to be in a school situation with a ringette friend. It was rather pointless to be honest. I didn't follow the tour very well, at any point of time even though they were telling us where we were, I didn't have a clue. The only time I was sure I knew where I was was when were in the Kines department. Which I suppose is good, because it's pretty much going to be my home next year.

The thought of classes scared me. Learning theory then practicing the theory. Early mornings. I have this feeling that with some of the Kines classes I took I'm going to have to be actively involved in activities, which is not my forte. I have decided I'm gonna have to deal with it though. Probably not well, but I'll deal. It was strange though, that walking through the rest of the campus freaked me out, but I was so calm when I was in the Kines department, so sure that I would be able to handle it. I guess that's just who I am, a sports person all the way.
Except for when we have to look at cadavers in anatomy. Not stoked for that. Steph tells me she saw a cadaver who had their nails painted and it was the scariest thing ever. Ick.

I feel like everything is falling apart. I'm not really sure if BC has changed or what, but I can't figure out why about 75 percent of my friends AND family are moving there. Everything's a mess. But not only that. Please take a moment to reminisce on when Lyndsay and Ryan broke up and the universe was in total chaos. Yes, this has happened again with different people.
You see, in the ringette dating system, people are together a looooong time. So long they become couples that I am so sure are going to get married. Maggie and Brady, Carly and Jeremy, Steph and Jarett, Michelle and Dan.
So really a surprise when I found out Michelle and Dan broke up. Because I'd never heard anything bad about him. But this was a few months ago, so I got used to it. But today I learned that Maggie and Brady broke up, and this was literally shocking. Well not literally. But I couldn't believe it. I know that no one else would care about this, I just wanted to get it out haha.

So today I watched Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids. Or something like that. It's new I think. And people are crazy bitches. Sheeeesh. But then I realized how much I want to attend a wedding. So it kinda made me really happy when Carly said I could be a bridesmaid at hers. That may not be for a while though.

Which brings me to the end. I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends today.

I'm really disliking Vancouver because it's taking the people I love from me.

These things that I've tried to keep away are taking over.

Things that I've tried to deny for so long. I wanted to pretend they weren't true.

But now even the little hope I've had is disappearing.

I thought I had more time. I thought I had a couple of months. The whole summer.

But one month? 30 short days, and then you'll leave forever?

It's not the same as with my school friends. While they are leaving too, I know they'll come back. Their home will still be here.

Yours won't. You're going there to make a life. To live there. To never come back.

And I'm losing a best friend.

you know it's time to say goodbye.

I'm really tired of feeling like this.